Sky Render's List of Console RPG Cliches! Open 24 Hours Rule - Shops never seem to close, unless a plot event requires them to close. "Sure is a long day, huh?" - It's always daytime, unless the plot calls for it to be nighttime, at which point it mysteriously changes to nighttime. Never-ending Supply Concept - Shops never run out of items, and can sell you as many as you want, as long as you can hold more, and have enough inventory space. Whoah, deja-vu... - The first dungeon of an RPG, or any of the intervening dungeons, for that matter, is notorious for becoming the last dungeon. Sometimes, the designers will add a few details to the place, but they're essentially identical (other than the fact that the monsters are a hell of a lot harder). Agriculture Crisis - It rarely ever rains in RPG's, and when it does, it's usually either only in a fixed area, or only because the plot calls for it. Of course, the lack of farms in RPG's could be explained by this, as well. "Don't drink the water!" - RPG oceans must be fresh-water oceans, because RPG's rarely have in-land lakes or rivers, and when they do, they have a nasty tendency to flow from the ocean. Where do RPG characters get their water, anyway? Illogical Armor Continuum - For some reason, the strongest armor has a habit of being made of materials that are not known for defensive properties, such as tin or rubber, while items that are praised for their defensive capabilities (such as iron and steel) tend to be relatively weak. Limit Rule - Everything has an upper limit that is either a series of 9's, or about 255. "Doesn't that weigh a ton?" - You can always carry the same number of all items, even if their size is completely different. For example, you can carry 99 Iron Swords, and not be any more encumbered than you are carrying 99 Potions. Item Existence Theory - Items must somehow be kept in a mysterious location that all party members can reach, for whenever the party is split up into multiple groups, they all have access to all items in the inventory. Ancient Civilization Rule - There is always some ancient and mysterious civilization that ended anywhere from 100 to 100,000 years ago, and quite frequently, their last surviving member is a member of the party. This party member is also notoriously a female lead, and madly in love with the hero. Fake King Rule - At some point in many RPG's, the king of some country is revealed to be a fake king who has dispatched the real king somehow. This plot is about as ancient as they get. The Greatest RPG Rule - No matter what happens, or who gets killed, the heroes not only always survive, but always have to fight some sort of last boss. "This bridge is off-limits!" - For no apparent reason, things like bridges, gates, and other critical locations are blocked off from you until you complete some part of the plot, at which point the force that previously blocked you either vanishes, or lets you through. Fetch Quests Rule - At some point in the game, whether required or not, your party will be sent on (or be given the option to go on) some sort of fetch quest. These frequently entail getting some common household item to somebody, or saving a child from a "cave full of dangerous monsters". Some RPG's could be described as nothing more than a series of fetch quests. Fuel Economy 101 - Airships, ships, tanks, it doesn't matter what you drive, all vehicles use no fuel whatsoever. On the off chance that they DO use fuel, it will be readily available for very little or no charge in many locations. There Can Only be One! - There is never more than one force vying for complete world domination. If there is, then either the second force is obliterated before the plot even gets to the mid-point, or one of the other opposing force turns out to be a sub-sect of the main world-dominating empire (or both happen). "Ah, how refreshing!" - A stay at the inn never takes more than 10 seconds, and completely revitalizes all party members to full health, even if they were dead, poisoned, petrified, etc. "Well, that was pointless..." - An enemy that uses a status ailment attack tends to drop whatever item is needed to cure that status ailment when killed. Cheap Bum Rule - All heroes start out with terrible equipment, and very little money, even if they're royalty. What is up with these heroes? Maybe that's why most RPG heroes are 18: they're too broke from buying games and porno mags to afford weapons and armor... Royalty Matters - In just about every RPG in existence, some person of royal status (or in a position of power, if there are no monarchies in the RPG) joins the party. Not just bratty princesses join, but also kings, princes looking for love, daughters of mayors and generals, and even the occasional queen. Crouching Hero, Hidden Rank - Party members in positions of power tend to conceal their rank from their allies, or be totally unaware of their high rank. This problem is always taken care of by the end of the game, though, making the entire hiding of identity bit completely pointless. Endurance Continuum - For some reason, a character can take tons of damage, be left with 1 HP, and act like they're in perfect health (excpept for crouching down to indicate low HP, perhaps). They still do as much damage, are just as fast, etc. Endurance Corollary - No matter how many hours you force your heroes to run about, fight monsters, talk to people, or do silly mini-games, they never get tired (unless the plot calls for it). They can run for six hours straight around the town square, and not even be fazed. Limit Breaker Rule - Being at low HP is actually advantageous at times, particularly in newer RPG's. Heroes will frequently gain the ability to do some sort of wonderful attack once they've taken enough damage, or are wounded critically enough. "Now THAT's quality clothing!" - Heroes never show any damage to their outfits, even after having them scratched, slashed, shot, hit by fire and lightning, struck by tidal waves, etc. As well, their armor never seems to show at all, not even as a bulkiness under their fine threads. "Where DO they keep those things, anyway?" - Before Chrono Trigger, weapons were drawn out of nowhere, swung at the enemy a few times, and vanished again. Where exactly do the heroes KEEP those weapons when they're not using them? They can't keep them sheathed, seeing as when they attack, the weapon is already in hand, as though it's been there the whole time... "He's not dead, he's resting" - Heroes never REALLY die (unless the plot requires them to be permanently expired). More often than not, if a hero is known first-hand to be dead, it'll turn out that they get revived at some point later in the plot. Some characters are dead before the game even starts, and that certainly doesn't stop them from joining the party (if as zombies). "We don't REALLY want to kill you..." - Even though your entire party may be defeated during a plot-based battle, if the battle was grossly in favor of the enemy, you'll still be alive after the battle, and the plot will continue. And yet, when common monsters do the same thing to your party, you lose for good. This suggests that the bad guys are either really merciful, really stupid, or quite likely both. Save Point Continuum - RPG's frequently have odd things referred to as "save points", frequently glowing geometrical shapes or specks of light that make funny sounds when you walk into them. While standing in these things, you can save your game, and if you die, you're automatically returned to these save points. Note that these wonderful devices are sadly not present in real life... Save Point Corollary - Another frequent thing in RPG's is that you can save at any time on the world map, which makes utterly no sense whatsoever. is the entire world a gigantic save point? And if so, then why can't you save when you enter specific locations? Saving, Take Two - Some games attempt to oust the old "save point" cliche by using the equally illogical "adventurer's journal" cliche (in which you record your quest in a book to save). This is, if anything, even MORE silly than standing in a glowing object that makes funny noises when you step into it, as it makes no sense that you can mysteriously reappear in front of some book that you just happened to have written a diary entry in. If the world worked like that, we'd just have to keep a journal with us at all times, and write in it whenever things started getting risky. Button Pressing Theorem - RPG heroes are frequently told how to control things in terms of buttons on the controller. While useful to the player, this does bring up the question of whether the characters in the game ALSO have to press buttons to make their bodies do things like talk, walk, attack, and climb ladders. Button Pressing Corollary - In addition to this above illogicality, RPG heroes also often have the ability to do certain things via these buttons only at certain times (like climbing, ducking, jumping, attacking, and so forth). They can never draw their weapons out of battle unless the plot calls for it, and giving CPR when it's unneeded is totally unheard of. "What perfect form!" - Whenever a character attacks, casts a spell, or does anything involving moving in combat, they do it the exact same way every time. They never vary their techniques even in the slightest, and if they make any mistakes, they always make the same mistakes every time. Synchronized swimming would probably come naturally to them, although they'd no doubt have to press a button on their arms to move forward. Broken Record Rule, Hero Version - If a hero has a battle-based war cry, they will use it EVERY time they use a skill or attack. Sometimes they have four or five main attack calls, but they almost never have more than one thing they can say when casting that great spell or using that wonderful sword technique. (NOTE: This mainly applies to RPG's with voice acting, but there are some titles that fall under this rule without VA, such as FFTactics) "His metabolical processes are at an end" - Not only do RPG heroes never eat, but they also never excrete, bathe, or sleep unless it's required by the plot (or if you make them do it). They can go for twelve days straight without showing the slightest sign of needing to do any of these things, and longer than that if necessary. "I'm da boss, see?" - Bosses are always different from other monsters in that they get special graphics, have a special theme, and frequently even get their out-of-battle sprite. They're also far more resillient than regular monsters, but frequently have some weak point that makes taking care of them a lot easier than it looks. Loose Cannon Rule - When you get a party member that's not a real party member in RPG's where your party follows behind your main character, they frequently don't move at the same speed as your party does, nor do they follow in the same strict ranking order that the rest of the group does. Some claim it's to add realism, others call it laziness on behalf of the programmers. Selective Ability Rule - Characters can do fantastic things while in battle: they can fly, jump, pounce, do sixteen-hit combos with swords, and even shoot balls of energy out of their palms. But that's in battle. Outside of battle, they can't even so much as jump over a medium-sized rock in the road, and if they can jump, they will frequently find themselves blocked by mysterious "walls" that they cannot see. Party Conformity Rule - Party members almost never join at a level that differs greatly from the party's average level. They also tend to carry equipment that's about on par with the rest of the party. Logical Illogic Rule - If ever you find that there is something utterly illogical going on in an RPG, it will frequently be somehow explained in an even more illogical manner, sometimes with circular arguments. One can sum up from this that RPG worlds are very bunk.